TRON: LEGACY- Retold
by Communication Breakdown
Summary: Total crackfic. Basically my "special" re-telling of the movie, put simply. If any one finds any content at all offensive for whatever reason, I'm sorry. Also, I OWN NOTHING. Obviously.


**TRON: LEGACY…SPOOFED!**

**1989**

**KEVIN: **So anyway the Grid is pretty awesome man. All shiny and cool and I get to hang with TRON, who's a rad dude, and CLU, who totally won't turn all psycho-evil later like clones usually do and we get to create this whole world and yeah. It's pretty awesome.

**YOUNG SAM: **WOW! Can I go?

**KEVIN: **Nah. You're too young now.

**YOUNG SAM: **Oh yeah… I'm supposed to be like 7 right here huh?

**KEVIN: **Yeah… Dunno how you ended up looking like you're 13 or something… Any way wanna go to the arcade tomorrow?

**YOUNG SAM: **Yeah!

**NEWS GUY: **Kevin Flynn is missing.

**YOUNG SAM: **NoOOOOOOoooooOOooooooooOOOOO! *runs away*

**2011**

**SAM: ***singing*: _Driving like a maniac on my motorcycle cause I am young and rebellious and I don't give a fuuuuuuuuck! Oh no there's a cop I shall evade capture like a boss! That truck driver thinks I'm an asshooooole!_

_**AT ENCOM!**_

**SOME GUY: **And now… The ENCOM OS 12!

**MARVIN: **Arf Arf!

**ALAN: **No… That's a dog.

**STAFF: **Aww…

**SAM: **_*_dives off building* ES-CA-PE! *fails* Aw man.

**AFTER A FEW HOURS OF JAIL TIME, SAM RETURNS TO HIS APARTMENT…GARAGE…SHACK AND FINDS ALAN!**

**SAM:** Go away.

**ALAN: **No I must send you on the magical journey to find your daddy!

**SAM: **…Okay.

**ALAN: **I got a mysterious page from him at the old arcade now go get sucked into a computer!

**SAM: **Wait, what?

**AT THE OLD ARCADE, WHICH THINKS IT'S STILL THE 1980's…**

**SAM: **Secret door? SHINY BUTTONS! WHAT DO THEY DOOOOOOO?! *is sucked into TRON-world* Wow. *is captured* Damn.

**ON TO THE STRIP SCENE… WHAT? THIS IS TOTALLY A STRIP SCENE! DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME THAT WAY!**

**SAM: ***covers self* Ah! I's nekkid! Hey ladies, save the fun for backstage! We're going for a PG rating here!

**GEM: **Nice tighty-whities.

**SAM: **…Jerk. *has awesome suit* Awhellya.

**GEM: **Don't die.

**SAM: **Well that's just setting me up for failure.

**GEM: **Not really. You're the main character in a Disney movie.

**SAM: **Oh okay.

**GEM: **Your dad's not so lucky though…

**SAM: **What was that?

**GEM: **Nothing.

**SAM: ***survives purely by Disney luck until he is owned by RINZLER!*

**THEN WE MEET CLU!**

**SAM: **Daddy?

**CLU: **Luke, I'm not your father.

**SAM: **WTF?! Where is he?!

**CLU: ***sing-song* I know something you don't know…

**SAM: **No fair!

**JARVISTHEPEE-ON: **Lol nice one, sir.

**CLU: **Shut up, Jarvis. And quit sending anonymous boxes of chocolate to my office. You're only embarrassing yourself since everyone knows Kevin and I are totes in love!

**SAM: **WHUT.

**LIGHT-CYCLES!**

**SAM: ***crashes* WHY DO I FAIL SO MUCH?! **D8**

**QUORRA: ***saves Sam from absolute death* Get in!

**SAM: **I'm not supposed to get in cars with strangers!

**QUORRA: ***giving him _that look _* Seriously?

**SAM: **…Okay let's go.

*EPIC ESCAPE*

**SAM: ***near heart attack*

**QUORRA: **Hi! :D

**SAM: ***stupid face* Giiiiiiirrrrrlll?

_**KEVIN'S SUPER-SECRET HIDE-OUT IN DA MOUNTAINS**_

**SAM: **What's The Dude doing here?

**QUORRA: ***slaps him* Blasphemer! Don't you know that he's God?

**SAM: **God?

**KEVIN: **Yes, Sam. I am God. And that makes you Jesus Christ.

**SAM: **Wait, so… DADDY!

**KEVIN: **Yeah!

**QUORRA: **Thanks picking him up, Quorra… Thanks for bringing him here, Quorra… How was your day, Quorra?

**SAM: **Daddy why did you leave me?! **D8**

**KEVIN: **Remember how I told you that I had like a dopple-ganger named CLU who was supposed to help make the world a better place? Well, who woulda guessed? He totally turned evil! There was this whole genocide of the ISOs(that "miracle" thing), and then I got locked in the computer. Real heavy stuff, man.

**SAM: **Whoa… Well, now we must escape!

**KEVIN: **No way! CLU will come after us as soon as we set foot on the Grid! My disc is the key to opening the portal!

**QUORRA: **And now the plot device is in play…

**SAM: **Whatevs. I'll go get help from the outside!

**KEVIN: **But the outside world is not nearly as stylish as the Grid!

**QUORRA: **I can help you! Go to Zuse!

**SAM: **The hell?

_**EPIC DANCE CLUB WITH DAFT PUNK**_

**CASTOR: **Hello! I am Albino Ziggy Stardust, and I'm totally creeping on your angry ass!

**SAM: **Whut.

**GEM: **And I too am a character. Together Ziggy and I shall create beautiful yet creepy albino program-babies.

**SAM: **Whatevs. I need-

**CASTOR: **To dance with me!

**SAM: **No, I need-

**CASTOR: **To join me in my _private _quarters?

**SAM: **No, man. I don't swing that way.

**CASTOR: **Oh, but swinging is so much fun! Come, Sam, swing with me! _Wheeeeeeeeee!_

**SAM: **You are obviously insane.

**CASTOR: **But I'm also Zuse!

**SAM: ***gasp!*

**CASTOR: **But I'm also working with CLU!

**SAM: **Well, you suck!

_*Totally fake fight sequence where QUORRA and KEVIN drop in and QUORRA manages to get her arm chopped off*_

**QUORRA: **Oh, the pain! THE PAIN! *comas*

_*In the escape, KEVIN'S disc gets snatched*_

**KEVIN: **Ass.

_*Near-Death in elevator*_

**KEVIN: **Okay, sooo… No way we can really escape… Actually. Let's just try to beat CLU to the portal. Oh, check it! Train's here just in time!

_**ON THE TRAIN**_

**KEVIN: ***is rebooting QUORRA when we find a plot twist!*

**SAM: **She's an ISO.

**KEVIN: **Yeah the last ISO.

**SAM: **Cooooool…

**KEVIN: **Let's give her time to wake up and have a nice relationship-building conversation.

**SAM: **Zuse came on to me.

**KEVIN: **0.0 Oh…

**SAM: **Yeah… Do you think he and that white chick are really together? Or is she just a cover?

**KEVIN: ***freaking out a little* Whyyy…?

**SAM: **Cuz I'd really like to tap that.

**KEVIN: **_ZUSE?!_

**SAM: **No! The chick!

**KEVIN: **Oh! I dunno! You know what, Ima go meditate. You just…just chill. Okay?

**SAM: **Okay.

**KEVIN: **Okay… Oh and give this to Quorra when she wakes up. *hands little vial to SAM*

**SAM: **What, you just carry this around?

**KEVIN: **She's good at getting to trouble…

_**BACK AT DA CLUB**_

**CASTOR: **Don't blow me up! I'm so cute!

**CLU: **Hmm… Too bad!

_*CASTOR and GEM get blown up into millions of tiny bits*_

**QUORRA: **Whoa! Brain blast!

**SAM: **Ah, you're up! Here, drink this.

**QUORRA: ***sips* BLEH! Grape flavor!

**SAM: **You are so cute.

**KEVIN: ***is alarmed* Ah!

**SAM: **WHAT?

**KEVIN: **I am uncomfortable without my crotch pillow!

**SAM: **0.0

**KEVIN: **Also: EVIL DETOUR! Let's get outta here!

_*In their escape attempt, the almost run into RINZLER. KEVIN realizes that RINZLER is TRON! QUORRA gives herself up to save KEVIN and SAM*_

**KEVIN: **TRON… My one true love! He's alive!

**SAM: **And he's taking my girlfriend!

**KEVIN: **Oh, I KNOW that hussy ain't gonna take MY man!

**SAM: **Come on, dad!

_*They run away while CLU is making his big speech*_

**SAM: **You know, he really is a beautiful speaker. He's like Obama, only white and evil. Well, depending on your party…

**KEVIN: **Sam! What are you even talking about-? Whatever! We need to get my disc, save Quorra, and get to the portal. Now!

**SAM: **You find us a way out, I'll deal with the rest. *runs off*

**KEVIN: **Wait- God, I swear that boy- Ooh, plane! Do want!

_*SAM is suddenly a badass and manages to save QUORRA and get the disc, all while temporarily taking down TRON. Then he and QUORRA literally fly out to meet KEVIN at their new plane and they fly away, but soon after CLU and TRON are on their trail. EPIC SKY BATTLE: Ends with TRON turning good and taking down CLU*_

**SAM: **We won!

**KEVIN: **Quorra, switch discs with me?

**QUORRA: **Uh…

_**AT THE PORTAL**_

**SAM: **What- CLU?! Seriously, he's still alive?!

**KEVIN: **What about TRON?

**CLU: ***evil chuckle* He's sinking to the bottom of the ocean as we speak.

**KEVIN: **NOOOOOOO! My love!

**CLU: **I always knew it was TRON you loved! You lied to me!

**KEVIN: **I know, and I'm sorry. Hugs?

**CLU: **No hug for you! *kicks KEVIN where the sun don't shine*

_*SAM is overthrown in an attempt to attack CLU. When QUORRA drops in and to save the day, CLU turns his focus on KEVIN. By the time he realizes that QUORRA and KEVIN have switched discs, she and SAM are already at the portal.*_

**CLU: **Why do you all hate me?!

**KEVIN: ***re-integrates with CLU, causing the most massive explosion as SAM and QUORRA escape*

_**BACK IN THE REAL WORLD**_

**SAM: **I'm taking the company back, Alan.

**ALAN: **Well, damn, it's about time!

**SAM: **You know, despite the forever-emotionally-scarring affect of watching me dad eat his counter-part and explode like a super-nova, wiping out all existence surrounding him, this is a pretty good ending.

**QUORRA: **Not just yet…

_* Now we have a big dance party with Daft Punk*_

**SAM: **Yay!

**ALAN: **Can I dance, too?

**EVERYONE: **No!

**ALAN: **But, but… *warble*

**SAM: **Oh, fine. Come on, Alan.

**ALAN: **Yay!

**The End. **


End file.
